Do You Influence or Control?

 Hurt feelings or bruised egos are common symptoms of a control issue gone terribly wrong.  We sometimes try to “help” other people …   by telling them what to do, when, where, how and why generally because we have more experience or just plain think we know better.  The outcome is our inability to deal with a perceived “failure” of the other person.  If you take the same scenario and put an influential twist on it, the outcome for both of you remains positive keeping you calm and in control of your own thoughts and actions.  

As an example, let’s take a relationship where one partner is slightly overweight.  We continue to talk about their weight issue in non direct terms.  We also discretely point out the long overdue gym membership or articles relating to the correlation to weight and health related issues.  As we become more frustrated with our partners avoidance, we become angry at their inability to take care of themselves.  Your partner puts up their defensives and begins a dialog that ends up in a full blown argument with you looking like some type of control freak.  Not good.

Let’s put an influential twist on the same scenario.  As we cannot control another person’s actions, reactions or outcomes.  We can openly discuss our concerns for our partners heath.  At this point, we must become the role model for behavior we think needs to be changed.  When you exercise and eat healthy you are forging the path to make it easier for your partner to follow your lead.  If your partner chooses not to walk this journey with you, you need to understand that you can only influence but not control another person’s health status.  Our partner must live with this decision.  This is their personal journey to walk through not yours or a joint partnership.

Is it difficult to watch someone we care about not be realistic and have common sense about certain issues?  The answer is a resounding yes.  Understand that you are only responsible for yourself, your decisions and outcomes (adults only).  Remember, the more control we have for another’s persons well being and behavior, the more responsibility we have for the positive outcome.